Monday, August 24, 2015

Sexual Healing: 3 Ways I Battle Lust, Masturbation, and Porn

For the sake of this post, let’s refer to Lust, Masturbation, and Porn as “LMP”.

I have an interesting relationship with LMP.

I’ve been familiar with the feeling of lust for as long as I can remember. From the R-rated movies I watched as a kid, to the Mills & Boon novels I read, to the guys with “swag” I’ve been surrounded by in school and work settings. I know lust firsthand.

As for porn, I can almost pinpoint the exact moment I discovered it. I was around 9. I had stayed up extra late that night, when everyone in my house had gone to bed, and turned on the television to find person A and person B doing a tad bit more than cuddling. I was enthralled, to say the least. It became something of a phenomenon to me and throughout my life, I found myself returning to watch an online video or two to get my “quick fix”.

And then there’s masturbation. It goes without saying that after an hour or two of watching porn, the next logical thing to follow is a bit of hand-to-self action.

I consider LMP something to take very seriously in my life...now. For a long time, I thought of it as my dirty little secret that I could simply indulge in at my discretion. As I grow in spiritual maturity, I see it for what it is – a problem. The problem with LMP is that it has a way of clouding my vision, making me view the world around me in a hyper-sexualized way. The problem with LMP is that it makes it difficult for me to sit in Church and focus on the much-needed Word of God when I have x-rated images and visuals flashing across my mind. The problem with LMP is that it breeds addiction and leaves me feeling like a true savage with an inability to exercise self-control (the flesh wants what it wants…why not give it what it wants? Oh goodness no.) The problem with LMP is that it drenches my spirit with guilt and shame, leaving me feeling disappointed and disconnected from God. The problem with LMP is that it promises me nothing more than short bursts of physical pleasure with lasting toxic effects on my soul. The problem with LMP is that it won’t ever fully satisfy me and if I’m not careful, it will ruin me. So, knowing all this, I actively take steps in my life to fight the tug and pull of lust, masturbation, and porn. Here are three of those steps:

1.       Confess and Surrender: “Hi. My name is Adaeze and I like porn.” Ok, maybe not that clinical. As I continue to grow in my Christian walk, I’ve become more appreciative of calling the sins I deal with by their name. Honesty is freeing; granted it can be scary and have undesired consequences but it undoubtedly lightens the load on your spirit and offers you the opportunity for peace. It’s not different when it comes LMP – all of which I find attractive, all of which I’ve indulged in, and all of which I struggle with. I do my best to continuously confess my sinful nature – to God and to people strong in faith that can empathize with my situation and give me honest, sage advice. I also believe in the power of “giving it to Jesus”. In my own might, I’m no match for my lustful/sinful desires. But, when I continuously surrender it to God, asking for Him to intercede, He bestows His grace upon me in such a powerful way that I find the courage and power to say “No”. (Keep in mind that when I don’t do this, I usually fall into LMP). 

2.       Setting Boundaries: It takes the grace of God to be released from the bondage of LMP. With that being said, there’s much to consider about the saying, “God helps those who help themselves.” It isn’t wise for a recovering alcoholic to spend his/her nights at the local pub surrounded by all forms of liquor. No matter how “strong” you think you might be, you’re still human and still susceptible to temptation. I can’t deny the power of setting boundaries when it comes to achieving spiritual goals. In recent years, I started filtering what I watch, the music I listen to, and the places I go. Why? Because I know me. I know what triggers lustful thoughts in my mind. I know what tips me over the edge. Without boundaries, I might as well throw in the towel now and concede defeat. Boundaries are 100% necessary in life.

3.       Finding More Pleasure in God than in LMP: Truth is, I like the feeling LMP gives me. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be “struggling” with it. It’s the age-old flesh versus spirit war. However, there are times in my life when the lure of LMP has been practically non-existent. And it’s no doubt due to the fact that in those times, I am deeply head over heels in love with God and excited about the things of God. In those times, I have found more pleasure in God than in LMP. How did that happen for me? I became inundated with the things of God – feeding on the Word of God like a hungry child, conversing eagerly and openly with God on a daily basis, listening to powerful sermons, and surrounding myself with people that are genuinely in love with God. The truth is that when I am not deeply in love and satisfied with God, LMP knocks on the door of my life with a vengeance.

And those are my three steps to battling lust, masturbation, and porn. The important thing to take into account is that all of these practices are doable. They’re not meant to feel extreme or overwhelming. They’re simple steps that when consciously taken, provide great spiritual results. They’re steps that have worked for me and still work for me – when I choose to apply them. They’re steps of hope for any one of you that deals with LMP in your life and feels like it’s a losing battle – it’s not. It’s just going to take a whole lot of discipline, faith, sacrifice, and work – which I’ve been told happens to be a requirement for all areas of life.

Go figure :)

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9 comments:

  1. Story of my life but thank God that is in the past now.
    Like you it started from a young age and also like you, I have discovered the secret: when my desire for God outweighs the secret sins, I live above them.
    Getting full of God leaves room for little else and boundaries is key.
    One of my last incidents at that time when I struggled with this arose from reading a romantic novel...so stream lining and cutting off what doesn't feed our spirit is necessary.
    Opening loopholes are disastrous for one who has a history with sexual sins.
    But God's grace and our willingness to walk in that grace is enough...

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  2. Thank you for sharing this interesting master piece. I am currently dealing with LMP infact i am a slave to it. Let me shock you by telling you that i supposed to be a born again Christian!!!! but LMP always has its way over me. I am still battling with it and i know that some day i will surely be victorious. Your post has really motivated me. Thanks

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    1. "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man has great power to prevail." ~ James 5:16

      I know your situation too well brother (or sister), i experienced the exact same thing for many years, and in my experience, and from hearing of others experience, it seems some people are freed by actively fighting the addictions, others are freed miraculously, yet others experience both. My story; on the 7th of this month, after personally battling LMP all the ways I knew how to, I obeyed the scripture above and confessed to a friend who I believe truly lives and walk by the spirit of God. I had reached the point of either I kill this thing or this thing kills me, I didn't care so much about the the shame of exposing the sin in me to another person. After I confessed, my friend revealed to me that since the first time she had met me, she had known by revelation from God that she had known, but she needed me to confirm it. She afterwards prayed for me. Today is the 24th, it's been more than 2 weeks, I haven't felt the urge like I used to before to even type a porn website address; it feels like the thought of porn has just vanished from my head. I'm still not certain if this is for real, if I am truly 'healed'. I don't feel any different but I just don't have the pressing urge to engage the sin as I used to. I'm continuing in prayer and the scriptures, and hoping this is for real.

      In summary, I'm saying, if you haven't already, if there is anyone in your life that you believe is a genuine child of God, go and confess completely to them. It is very hard to do because of the lies of shame the enemy uses to keep us quietly dying in secret, so, like Jesus, we must "for the joy set before us, endure the cross, and disregard the shame" ~ Hebrews 12:2

      God is indeed gracious, and has and will save you, and us all. Amen,

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  3. What an honest and heart warming post. I can only wish you all the best on this new journey of yours, with all the great and practical points you've raised.

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  4. Hi Adaeze,

    thanks for sharing and being honest. yes the pointers are very helpful. this has to go in two parts.

    And how this took root is the same journey as yours, different scenario same storyline.

    In my journey to be free by God's grace here are some tips I would also like to share and maybe someone will relate.
    1. After several attempts and finally listening to God. I discovered I was looking for love. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and the woman by the well were messages God kept prompting in my spirit. I had to establish in my mind God loves me, renew my mind. My environment was toxic and I was crying for love. I have learned to get out of toxic environment, believe in myself and not being a doormat.
    2. When the Lord showed me that Mils and Boon was porn in literature after I asked for help but could not relate why I had to drop this book. During Pastor sermon he laid it out Mils and boon is porn in literature. It finally dawn on me why I had that lust fuelling.

    3. God showed me masturbation is self provision not relying on God to provide for you. And when you visualise during the act your spirit is open and lust and it's cousins deposited.
    4. I had to overcome the shame and reproach as I had confided in a "pastor" the effects of lust on me and he told my business to the whole world. And acquaintances insulted me which brought shame and I felt condemned and fell back in my old ways. I didn't know there were fake pastors out there but felt God had failed me. Some use it as point of contact to milk money from me.

    END OF PART ONE

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    1. Sorry I was trying to say my response has to go in two parts as more than 4000 characters.

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  5. PART TWO


    5. I came across the 3 weeks rule. I fasted for 3 days and prayed (Psalms because I know the word is life, I wanted my body to take in the word of life and destroy) I spoke words of affirmation from the Bible. I did the Daniel fast for three days and prayed Asked God to help me. I cried for Him to help me out. I need the stronghold of perversion destroyed at it's very root. Please emphasis for it to be destroyed at it's very root and cast into the sea never raise again. There are spiritual and physical things involved in this perversion. I will also like to add I joined another group (on another blog in relation to sexual perversion) did the 7 day fast only water during the day and dinner. Prayed and meditated on the book of John at midnight.

    The three week rule is that it takes a habit to be destroyed in three weeks. I avoided all the naysayers, anytime the thought comes about I immediately discard it by the blood of Jesus Christ. I plead the blood of Jesus Christ in my mind and body. I watch pre recorded programs so when the sex scenes come I just forward or abandon some shows. Now that indecency is normal on our TV screens. I just avoided all triggers.

    6. with revelation I broke all soul ties with ex boyfriends especially the person who dis-virgin me. I broke soul ties with false ministries, false friends, incubus and succumbs at very root.

    God performed his miracle, I did the 3 week rule 4 times. This is because when I felt condemn I did fall back and I discovered to confess daily I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. I receive the gift of righteousness and I reign in life.

    Though I made a mistake confiding in the fake pastors who put my business on blast. God has used it to show those who are for me. My friends have prayed and stood, those Judas who I thought were my friends have been exposed. God showed me not everyone who smiles at you is your friend and equally exposed false pastors. Some deal with familiar spirits to put you into condemnation, some lay hands on you and double the portion of the spirit of lust on you. God led me to quote in the Bible that showed fake pastors use women who are laden with past sins. Exhort money from them. All these drama with fake pastors not a story of today all in the Bible.
    I thank God for his Grace.

    Adaeze I don't know if you have any tips for such betrayal which leads to shame or condemnation and how to deal with it.

    God bless

    No ones journey has to be long as mine, but I did realise it was recurring because I hadn't point one established within me.

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  6. I am very proud of u sis and glad u are soaring in dis Christian journey. Again I appreciate God in ur life and d strength he has given u. I can relate to ur story above and as said, creating boundaries is really important as we become an image of what we consume. Garbage in garbage out. Again refocusing by finding Christ our first love is really important, It soothes our soul and suppresses our cravings. The more we relate with him, d more strength we find to say NO to our lustful desires. Thanks for d post. I do believe u are enjoying NYSC. Grace to do exploit be unto thee.

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