Tall, short…optimistic, pessimistic…humble, proud…funny, not-so-funny. And among the diverse groups of men we’ve got, there are certain attributes they possess that serve as either turn-ons or turn-offs for us ladies. I’ve encountered quite a few fellas in my life and in this post, I’m going to share with you 8 things I’ve found that consistently turn me off in a guy.
1. Bragging: “You know I’m a medical doctor, right?” “I’ve got three houses and a cottage in Aspen.” I only wear Armani.” Really? I actually remember visiting a guy once and asking him how much the recliner in his living room was. His response was “You want to know how much that chair you’re sitting on is? Ha. That chair is very, very expensive. If I tell you, you’ll be shocked.” What was shocking was the smug look on his face as he said this. Major turn-off. You see I have no problem with a guy having money. However, I do have a problem when you decide to treat me like a gold-digger whose eyes are bound to widen at the mention of “Bugatti”. No sir. Yes, I like money, just like the next person, but I’ve seen, smelled, and touched money on several occasions in my life – your money won’t make me lose my mind. Sorry. (Note: Also under the "bragging umbrella" is academic arrogance – boasting about how intelligent you are and constantly looking for opportunities to snub others for not “measuring up” doesn't do it for me.)
2. Dirtiness: There is a myth that men are slobs. I don’t buy it. As far as I’m concerned, any guy that is dirty chooses to live that way. And I respect that it’s your choice but it’s simply not my preference. I prefer the guy that showers. I prefer the guy that keeps his car clean. I prefer the guy that organizes his home. Please and thank you. I’m not asking for “Mr. Clean” but with all due respect, I won’t be able to live with “Mr. Dirt”. Haba.
3. Unrealistic Proclamations about Fidelity: “I could never cheat on my wife! It is not even possible for me!” Lies. Technically, you CAN cheat – we all can. The question is will or won’t you? And that is dependent on individual motivation, priorities, relationship goals, and level of self-discipline at any given time. I 100% believe there are men who remain faithful to their wives in marriage and never end up cheating. But, I am greatly turned on by the man who honestly admits that he will have moments he’s tempted to but he will work hard to honor God through our marriage and maintain fidelity. The ones who say they “could never” have a funny way of ending up the ones who do.
4. Unapologetic Porn Addiction: You might be wondering what I mean by this one. Well, there is the guy that struggles with porn addiction and then there’s the guy that finds it nothing to struggle with. There’s the guy that sees it for its detrimental nature and is honestly distraught when he succumbs to his temptations and then there’s the guy that sees it as his entitlement. I empathize with anyone struggling with porn addiction – trust me, I get it (post for a different day). It’s the guy that isn’t struggling that I’m specifically talking about. Porn addiction destroys marriages. It inspires infidelity. It destroys homes. It destroys the closeness of a person’s relationship with God. It floods your heart and mind with lust and causes you to view your world in a terribly hyper-sexualized way. It’s not just a fun pastime; it’s so much more than that. It’s truly damaging. If a guy doesn’t see it that way, I don’t see how it can work between us.
5. Bashing the ex: Why? It is unnecessary and unkind. You can explain the issues you both had in the relationship and where things went wrong, yes, but to incessantly insult and make mockery of her is petty and unattractive to me.
6. Excessive Flattery: “You’re the prettiest girl in the world bae!” That’s a lie. “You’re perfect just the way you are.” Another lie. “I just can’t live without you. You’re the air that I breathe. You’re my everything.” That’s a little problem known as idolatry. You might want to get that checked lol. I like compliments and kind words, I really do, but I like them less syrupy. Now I know there are some of us ladies that love this and I’m not knocking any of you down; I respect preference. I’m just saying that personally, it doesn’t float my boat.
7. Lack of Interest: If you couldn’t care less about my passions, philosophies, and point of view in discussions, we’re going to have a problem. Constantly cutting me off in conversation or ignoring me when I speak tells me that what I have to say doesn’t mean much to you and in essence, I don’t mean much to you. And that is rather hurtful.
8. Poor English Grammar: I’m talking about the guy that has no real care or interest in sentence structure or past/present/future tense. To be fair, this really isn’t a problem; it’s only an issue for me because I’m a writer/editor and have a deep-seated love for proper grammar usage. The funny thing is that I have no issue when it comes to those guys who don’t speak English (i.e. a guy who only speaks French or Spanish – I actually find that refreshingly attractive); what irks me is the guy who says English is his first language yet completely butchers it every time he speaks. It just breaks my heart. I’m not expecting a literary scholar but a guy with a good command of the English language has always been a turn-on for me.
And now we’ve gotten to the end of the list folks. Those are 8 things that turn me off in a guy. With those being listed, I imagine that I just might end up with someone that has one or two of those turn-offs to his credit – I can live with that. But, if almost all of them apply to him, the odds aren’t looking good for us in the long haul.
Now, I want to hear from you.
Ladies, what are your turn-offs in a guy? Fellas, what are your turn-offs in a girl (I know this goes both ways.) What are your turn-ons? Did you end up seriously dating or marrying someone you were initially turned off by? Leave your comments below. I want to know all the details because well, I’m nosy like that.
Until the next post :)