Oh, oh…here’s that intimidating topic many of us Christian gals are quick to shy away from.
“Sex? Ah, leave that one alone o!”
“Why do you want to talk about sex? Are you a nympho?”
“You want to talk about sex? Ok, here it is: If you have sex with your boyfriend, you’re evil!”
The subject is such a taboo factor in many Christian communities that one can easily go around in life completely confused and lost about the matter.
I know I was.
Growing up, I viewed sex as “that which must not be named”. (If you’re a Harry Potter fan, you’ll understand the reference :)
I didn’t feel comfortable asking my parents questions about it. I didn’t feel comfortable discussing it with friends. In fact, the only thing I knew about sex was what I saw in films and TV shows when folks were “getting it on” or what I read in the Temptation and Mills & Boon novels I would sneak away to read; which I sharply hid when I’d hear the sound of footsteps near my door for fear that my parents would catch me.
Besides that, I knew nothing about sex.
I knew nothing about the purpose of sex (besides the fact that it was the way to procreation). I knew nothing about how sex was supposed to stand in a Christian’s life. Now I supported the school of thought that premarital sex was wrong but before you consider applauding me, STOP.
It had nothing to do with respect for God’s Will or any holy conviction I had. It was simply because my elders said so (fear! Lol) and because it gave me the persona of a “good girl” (Have you read the post about my
delusion belief of being a "good girl"?) I didn’t understand what spiritual difference it
made in one’s life if he/she chose to be sexually active before marriage or not.
I didn’t understand why it would be of any real concern to God. I didn’t
understand how it affected a person’s relationship with God. The only thing I
knew was that abstaining from sex threw the risk of STD’s and unwanted
pregnancies right out the window…and that sounded great to me!
Besides that, I knew nada.
Well, I’m older now and I’ve picked up a couple of golden nuggets on the sex matter along the way. As I’ve grown in faith and developed a genuine interest and love for living in God’s Will, I’ve also begun to question God about His thoughts on life matters - like sex - and why His ways are the best to follow.
And guess what?
So, if you’re one of the many single & confused Christian ladies out there questioning the value of sex, the deal with premarital sex, and the role sex is supposed to play in a Christian woman’s life, here’s the 4-1-1!
First off, sex is a God-thing. You see God created sex. It was His idea. He came up with the concept. He designed the manual for it. What else did God do? He approved it as a gift that provides full honor to Him and benefit to us within that wonderful little union known as marriage. He did not say sex was a pastime activity to be engaged in whenever one “felt” like it with whomever they “felt” like having it with (even though the world continues to spread that false message). FYI loves, our feelings do not always match our faith. If you let your feelings lead you in your life, you’ll find yourself against the Will of God A LOT. And premarital sex is definitely “feelings-led”, not “faith-led”. Premarital sex cheapens sex. It reduces it to nothing more than another “escape-activity” for you when you’re “feeling” horny or insecure or lonely. Sex is meant for so much more than that. Unfortunately, we live in a world that has moved so far from the original design and intent of sex that we are now either in unholy bondage to it or on the other extreme, too afraid of it! What’s the problem?
Well, it isn’t sex.
We know God created it and everything God created is good. The problem is how we have redefined, restructured, and quite plainly abused sex.
Truth: For every beautiful gift that God created holy, there is a perverted and unholy version that exists.
Needless to say, it is that perverted and unholy version of sex that has created so much misery for so many of us. And premarital sex plays a great role in that misery. Why is there so much addiction to masturbation and porn?
The idolization of sex.
It’s the false societal mindset that says sex equals happiness and you can’t possibly live a second without it. From porn addiction (I’m familiar with this one! I’ll save the details for a future post) to nymphomania (sex addiction) to orgies to pedophilia…all the way to zoophilia (sexual activity with animals). It’s obvious we’re a society that has gone mad with sex! It is ruling lives. It has been turned into a “god” with legions of worshippers.
But, it was never meant to be like this.
Sex was meant to be respected. It was meant to be a facet of your life (more specifically, your married life) but not life itself. It was meant to be enjoyed as a marital gift. It was meant to be controlled – it was not meant to control you…or me.
So, what’s the solution?
Start having a godly attitude about sex. Start seeing it as God’s creation. Start seeing it as a purposeful part of marriage. Stop listening to those that say things like “Relax. Sex is just sex.”
Sex is not just sex.
Sex brings along physical, as well as, emotional connections. Sex forms soul ties between you and whoever you’re having sex with. And here again comes the problem with premarital sex.
Why are you forming all these random soul ties with Tom, Dick, and Harry? Why are you risking headaches, heartaches, and spiritual depression by sharing such physical and emotional intimacy with Tom, Dick, and Harry?
Why not be patient (oh, the world despises that!) and form a deliberate and purposeful soul tie with the one you’ll call “husband”?
That would actually be in your BEST interest.
And before you say it, no…there is no such thing as “meaningless sex”.
That is a worldly concept created to make us “feel” better about abusing sex. If you haven’t already figured it out loves, there is nothing about life that is “meaningless”. Every action creates a ripple effect.
It’s always just a matter of time.
One of those ripple effects of premarital sex is the common cause of divorce today: sexual incompatibility. Hardly surprising. Why wouldn’t this be a problem? If you are constantly “testing the waters” as a single gal, you will find it almost impossible not to compare your husband to all the sexual partners you’ve had in the past. And if you’ve had quite the lot, there is a greater chance he will not measure up in your mind. And no, the problem isn’t really that he’s no good at sex (like anything else in life, one can put in effort and improve), the problem is you set yourself up for failure by becoming, dare I say it, too experienced.
This is what is known as “unnecessary suffering”.
The type of suffering that isn’t required but unfortunately keeps getting picked over and over again.
We can make a different choice, loves.
As women, Christian women, we can decide to get back to the honor of sex. We can decide to see it as the marital gift it truly is and respect it as such. We can decide to stop looking at chastity before marriage as “punishment” and instead as an opportunity to honor God and our future husbands with our bodies and learn to discipline our “feelings” (which surely isn’t easy!). We can decide to stop making a false idol out of sex and instead keep God as the master of our lives. We can decide to stop seeing sex as “evil” and instead see it as a good thing made by our good God for a good purpose and good enjoyment. We can decide to exercise the courage to change our limited belief system about sex and renew our minds with God’s view of sex.
Because honestly ladies, sex is not “that which must not be named”. Sex is of godly design and is a valuable gift in life. The more we understand that, the more comfortable we will be talking about sex, the more godly-minded we will be about sex, the more we will enjoy it as it was originally intended (in marriage), and the less misery/suffering will result as a byproduct of sex.
Sex is a gift from God, ladies.
The sooner we "get" that, the sooner we’ll have more joy and peace :)
What are your thoughts on this one, loves? Are you comfortable talking about sex? What were your thoughts about premarital sex growing up? How do you view sex now? Leave a comment below - you know I love reading them!:)
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