Thursday, July 10, 2014

5 Signs He's Just Not That Into You

Guys and their mixed messages. They tend to leave us gals in a constant state of confusion.

Does he like me?

Does he not?

How much does he like me?

Will he marry me?

Will he not?

When will he marry me?

The questions are endless and the successful mind games many fellas play leave a number of gals anxious and exhausted. Truth: this level of confusion isn't necessary. I’ve come to realize (being a gal and all) that there are specific signs that help you decipher if the guy you’re dealing with is truly interested in a future with you or if honestly, he’s just not that into you. Here are 5 of them:

He Randomly Started Dating You
He has no clear expectations of where he wants your relationship to go or what good purpose it will serve. In his words, you guys are just “chilling” or “kicking it”. My question: what exactly are you kicking? A football? What you’re “kicking” is precious time. Don’t let him deceive you. You need a purposeful man that believes in purposeful relationships. If he thinks “purpose-talk” is too heavy for your situation then it’s time you accept two things: a) he’s not serious, and b) he’s just not that into you.

He’s Not Sure Of Your Title
Who does he introduce you as to people? Friend? Girlfriend? Fiance? Cuddle buddy? Sister Franka? There should be no reason for him to fidget and move uncomfortably when it comes time to tell people who you are in his life. If he’s serious about you, he’ll want people to know exactly who you are and exactly how unavailable he is to the other ladies out there. But if instead he has been against introducing you to his family/friends and has shown no interest in meeting your close ones, he’s just not that into you.

He Doesn’t Care What You Have To Say
Guys focus on what they consider important. If you matter to him, your thoughts and opinions will also matter to him. If he thinks you’re a good fit for him as a partner, then he’ll undoubtedly find your input on issues valuable. But if instead he is easily distracted during conversations and prefers to just interject his point of view when you speak, he’s just not that into you.

He Only Wants To Hang Out With You At Night
What is wrong with the daytime? Is he a vampire that can only operate at night? No, no, no. There is a lot of life to explore and enjoy during the day. A guy who is serious about you would love to experience his days with you. It sounds like he is hiding you from others and has reduced you to “cuddle buddy” status. I’m sorry loves but that isn’t your highest value potential- if he needs cuddling, there are teddy bears for that. You’re not a teddy bear. If he won’t take you out during the day, he’s here to play games and he’s just not that into you.

He Openly Checks Out Other Women In Front Of You
And sometimes is daring enough to flirt with them. This won’t do. Now I know he has eyes and if a woman passes by you can’t expect him to bend his head low and pretend she doesn’t exist. But, there is a difference between him acknowledging a gal is in the area and devouring her with his eyes. If he’s so obviously distracted and insensitive to your feelings when another woman enters the room, that once again means he’s just not that into you.

Now this might be painful to accept in the moment ladies, but it’s actually a great thing to discover when a guy is just not that into you. It means you can stop spending your time and energy on the wrong person. It means you can turn your focus back to God (the game player probably had you distracted), serve others, enjoy your life, and allow God to bring the man for you in His own timing. Trust me chicas, the one for you will come with purpose and clarity, not confusion. 

What are your thoughts on this, ladies? Have you ever dealt with a guy who was just not that into you? Do you know any other signs of how a guy acts when he's just not that into a girl? Leave a comment below:)

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  1. Hi, I am a guy I can admit that I'm guilty of mixed messages but I get a lot of "I have a boyfriend" so I normally would flirt and leave it at that, I'm not afraid of rejection but I don't like it. Also I would like to know how would I know if a girl like me back or even attracted to me? And once I get past that stage, when do she want more than a friendship is it when we kiss for the first time or when I meet her friends or we just still friends? If this is out of place, sorry Ada

    1. Hey there...probably not in my place to answer, but couldn't help but share my thoughts. I would focus on building our friendship, and as that plays out, I'll take a leap in giving the relationship some direction. If you kiss her and she kisses you back, it doesn't mean she likes you for sure. If after it all she still is acting like she doesn't like you, move on my friend. I just find it hard to understand why anyone struggles to like someone who doesn't like them in return. You are valuable and special in your own way, and there is someone out there who will appreciate you for you!

    2. Thank you for commenting! No, it is not out of place at all - I'm happy you asked:)

      And thanks for getting in on the convo, Moyo! I agree with what Moyo said about building your friendship first and no, kissing wouldn't be a good determinant of whether she really likes you or not. I will add to that and say you should be honest from the beginning and tell the girl how you feel about her and what your intentions are. I think most of our relationship problems are because we "play games" too much. If we told the truth more, we'd avoid so much confusion and know from an early stage if the other person reciprocates our feelings or not.

      And I totally get trying to avoid rejection but quite honestly, the worst she can say is she's not interested. It will be an ego blow, sure, but it won't kill you. What being clear and honest about your feelings will do is save you precious time from pining over someone that just might not be interested. If you tell her how you feel and she refuses to be outright about her feelings for you, then I think she's not that interested and you can sharply move on.

  2. Thanks for this I have a friend, she cooks for me, washes my plate, we eat together, sometyms she passes d nite in my hux. D only thing we have done so far is to hug. A lot of pple tels me that she loves me that I should date or even marry her but I don't see it that way maybe its bcos she told me she's not a virgin. I likes her as a friend...bcos of pressure I talked to her she told me...she likes me but I wil enjoy her more if we are just friends....but she wil think about is question is does she really loves me or not?