Monday, June 23, 2014

Have You Heard The Rumors About You?

It’s considered a gesture of friendship when someone informs us of negative gossip they’ve heard spread about us by another person. 

“Girl, you won’t believe what Jessica said about you yesterday at lunch. She was calling you a bitch and everything!”

“I really hate to tell you this but Chi-Chi really isn’t your friend. She told me how fake and annoying she thinks you are.”

“I don’t know if you care or not but I was talking with the girls yesterday and Tracy kept making some dirty faces and snide comments when your name came up in the conversation.”
On the surface, what seems appropriate is to thank your friend for being “honest” and pat yourself on the back for being smart enough to pick him/her as a trusted ally. On a deeper level though, it is much more important and essential to assess the situation and ask some pertinent questions to yourself that will help you determine just how trustworthy that friend really is. First question,

Why does the person feel comfortable talking about me to my friend?

If there is one thing I remember from my high school and college days, it’s that I never felt comfortable enough to tell certain people how I disapproved or negatively felt about their friends because I was always sure they would not be open to hearing it. That was a very good show of their loyalty. You see, they did not create an inviting environment of gossip for me. It was obvious their friends meant a lot to them and they made it known from the get-go of our interactions that there was no room for bad-mouthing or insulting someone they cared for.

That is the attitude your friend is supposed to have when you’re not around and he/she is in the company of other people.

The fact that someone feels comfortable enough to tell your friend something negative about you might mean that your friend has created an open environment for people to gossip and he/she is getting some form of satisfaction from it. Second question,

Why is my friend telling me this information?

If the gossip your friend is sharing with you does nothing more than rile you up, fill you with anger and hate towards another person, then was it really necessary to share it? Unless it is information that poses a threat to your life, your loved ones, or your work, then all it does is create a spirit of anger and discord rather than joy and peace within you. Now I am not saying your friends should not be honest or look out for you. Sometimes a friend might overhear others conversing about you or see something someone posted online on a social media site about you and feel compelled to inform you. I get it. But when your friend is the direct receiver of the information or encourages you to get upset and act in anger from the information, you need to really look at your friend with your third eye and decipher if he/she is really a loyal friend or the one creating scenarios of gossip and negativity about you and around you. 

It's good to know the difference/:

What are your thoughts on this, lovelies? Do you think it's fishy when people gossip about you to your friend? Do you think your friends should always tell you any negative comment they hear or read about you? Leave a comment below:)

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  1. Ugh, there's nothing worse than rumours/gossip. I remember back in high school when my friends hinted that someone had said something negative about me behind my back, but they refused to say what. This in turn made me direct my anger at my friends and I insisted that they spill the beans. Once I heard it, I was able to laugh it off because it was ridiculous. I dunno...I think I would rather have a friend tell me stuff they hear about me, but if it becomes a habitual thing, I may start to question their intentions, as well as their decision to constantly be around the sort of people who gossip about me.

    1. I think it's great that you were able to laugh off the rumors, Tomi! I know I wasn't always able to. I can get my feelings hurt pretty easily and let too much stuff get to my sensitive ol' self lol.