Monday, June 30, 2014

Do You Live To See The Flaws In Others?

About a year ago, I came up with a term: flaw-spotting.

Flaw-spotting is the continuous observation and identification of flaws in ourselves and those around us. 

Many of us go through our days looking for the flaws we can spotlight in others and in ourselves.

“I’m not smart enough!” 

“You’re so slow!” 

“She’s not that pretty!”

“I’m such a fool!” 

“She’s an awful singer!”

“What you did was so stupid!”

Needless to say, this practice is one of real detriment to your peace and spiritual disposition. We can’t fully be blamed though because in reality we are all surrounded by people, words, and imagery that promote judgment of one another. 

You might have co-workers that spend every lunch break gossiping/insulting the boss and other employees.

You might have family members that spend their time condemning other people’s intellect, physiques, fashion, cars, and homes.

You might watch shows on television or online that show women and men tearing down fellow cast members based on their looks or lifestyle choices.
With all that around you it’s definitely natural to “flaw-spot” everyone and everything, including yourself. I’ve been guilty of flaw-spotting; still am at times (especially when I feel a person is flaw-spotting me). I don’t like it. I feel terrible after I do it. I know it’s unloving and unproductive. So, as someone on an eternal quest for self-improvement, I have found that there are practical ways to combat this unloving practice of flaw-spotting.

The first thing I do is remind myself that every person on this earth (including myself) is an imperfect being and we are all created with specific flaws that ADD to our individual uniqueness and significance. 

The second thing I do is constantly refresh my environment with positive people, books, videos, and music that re-motivate me to be more accepting and compassionate towards others and their differences (trust me, your environment will make or break you!) When I am lax about protecting my environment and allow anyone/anything negative to remain in it, I suffer and my attitude towards others can be downright dreadful. 

The third thing I do is purposely enter a new day determined to be a “fab-spotter,” which means I continuously observe and identify fabulous qualities/characteristics in myself and those around me (i.e. a kind and respectful teller at the bank, a helpful co-worker, my ever-compassionate brother, my improved writing abilities, the lady with the pretty hairdo I just passed by on the street, etc). I’m determined to keep getting better at this.

When I am mindful to do these three things, I always end up in a joyful mood and I’m more loving. Now this does not mean the things you consider flaws will magically disappear. However, it does mean that you will be too focused on the good feeling/positive outcomes of accepting others, being compassionate, growing spiritually, and “fab-spotting” to be concerned with the flaws of yourself or anyone else. I suggest you try it.

You just might like it enough to make it a habit/:

What are your thoughts on this, ladies? Do you ever catch yourself flaw-spotting? Do you try to be a fab-spotter? Are there any practices you implement in your life to stay positive and loving? Leave a comment below:)

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  1. I can DEFINITELY relate to this. I've spent alot of time unlearning this bad habit and invested a lot of energy in learning to overlook things. I'm not sure I want to stop seeing how things can be improved but I've definitely learned to focus more on the "fab" and less on the flaws. Makes life so much easier and stress free : )

    1. It sure has taken me lots of time and energy to unlearn the habit myself, Kola. For the things we have true problem with and can change, I believe we should definitely keep finding ways to improve. Now for the stuff that we don't get to change (i.e. other people's choices), I want to be a "let it be and turn back to the fab" gal before I make losing my personal joy and empathy for people a habit.

  2. I'm a real flaw spotter!!! I've even turned to self-deprecating humor to show and make fun of my flaws. Something I've noticed too, is I tend to call out a flaw (in me and others) first, before giving a compliment. I would like to be that person who compliments first, and gives feedback ONLY if necessary.

    A sign at work says to "Commit to compliment yourself and one of your colleagues at work at least once a day every day on something that went well." I would just extend it to complimenting yourself and one other person at least once a day.

    1. I know self-deprecating humor well, Berry. Real well! I still do it at times. What I've noticed is the more willing I am to spotlight my flaws, the more willing I am to spotlight that of others which doesn't always come out gently and tends to hurt folks more deeply than I expected.

      I love your work sign. Sometimes it takes outside forces like a daily sign at work to remind us that we need to be more kind and compassionate to ourselves and others because we sure as heck get enough criticism.

  3. I can relate all the way... I have a friend who used to go like "Nazzy who do u even like?" It was all about humor and not spite for me but I think that sometimes these things eat deep into us and begin to change who we are at the core. Its just safer to be kind and laugh over the more positive things..
    I had no idea u were a BN contributor. I love how your writings are laced with all much strength.

    1. My dear the thing can seem like joke but I have to remind myself that everyone has varying degrees of sensitivity (I can be a sensitive chica at times mehn) and certain words have a way of taking negative root in our subconscious minds even when we think they're normal or harmless.

      Thank you for your kind comments about my writing. I'm happy to be a BN contributor, it has been one of my goals for a while o! lol.