Thursday, May 1, 2014

Your Man-Induced Depression

Men. Guys. Boys. “Boo thangs”.

Whichever title you prefer; they have been a source of woe for many of us ladies. The lies, the games, the insecurity, the infidelity, the put downs, the pressure, the rejection, the whole darn enchilada. It’s a well-known “secret” that many men have been running the minds and lives of many women for ages. The truth: if you’re depressed over a guy, you’re the one who chose him in your life.  

If you fail to do your research, you’ll likely end up in an insufferable relationship.

The first step to recovery is always acceptance (I know just how annoying this can be). If you started dating a guy and he has been nothing like what he seemed and instead the physical embodiment of a “living hell” for you, you need to accept that you chose him. If he consistently cheats on you with a variety of women (sometimes with those you know closely) and shows no true remorse, you need to accept that you chose him. If he has been dating you for 7 years and keeps telling you that marriage is “down the line” only to break up with you and marry his next girlfriend after 3 months, you need to accept that you chose him. If he told you he cared about you and saw a future with you and you had sex with him on the first date only to realize he was lying and committed to your BODY, you need to accept that you chose him.

If you fail to do your research, you’ll likely end up in an insufferable relationship.

If you find yourself in a depressed rut, anxiously thinking about him and wounded by the ways he lied, deceived, and hurt you, I have a challenge for you. I challenge you to NOT blame him for your circumstance and instead ask yourself how you played a part in your pain. Did you jump into the relationship prematurely because you were sexually attracted to him and he was saying all the flattering things? Did you jump into the relationship prematurely because you were sick & embarrassed of being alone while “everybody” else had a man? Did you jump into the relationship prematurely because you wanted to start having your dream life with the “hubby & kids” to match? Did you jump into the relationship prematurely because you didn’t bother to find out if you were both spiritually compatible with a unified vision for your future? Chances are one of the above is the reason you’re suffering.

If you fail to do your research, you’ll likely end up in an insufferable relationship.

The thing is there are ALWAYS signs about a person’s character and beliefs when you are initially around them – even the best liars can’t hide everything about themselves. I challenge you to accept that you might have missed some warning signs about your current “headache-partner” because you were too focused on how “fine” he was, or how “into you” he was, or how old you and your biological clock were getting, or how “everybody” else was hooked up to a man. I challenge you to accept that you may have made your “man” into your idol and put him and his desires first in your life, forgetting there is someone called G-O-D.

If you fail to do your research, you’ll likely end up in an insufferable relationship.

Once you accept that you chose the person you’re dealing with, you then realize that to avoid this heartache and misery the next time, you need to do better research. Get to know him before you commit to a relationship with him. And no, I don’t just mean his favorite t-shirt or how much he loves basketball. I mean getting into the nitty-gritty of who he is.

If you fail to do your research, you’ll likely end up in an insufferable relationship.

Start with his faith – does he believe in God? If so, what does living a Godly life mean to him? (If you’re a Christian gal you need to remember the apostle Paul said not to be “unequally yoked with unbelievers” in relationships.) Does he want children? If so, how many? What does he believe to be his purpose in life? How does he plan to build a leaving legacy? How important is physical fitness and appearance to him? How does he feel about prenups? How does he feel about single/joint accounts? How is his current relationship with his family? What are his strengths? What are his shortcomings? (Honesty is crucial.) What are his pet peeves? How involved in politics is he? What are his social views? Once you have these questions answered for each other, you’ll both know if you can commit to a beautiful and fruitful relationship that can accommodate both your needs or if you need to run the other way before vows are exchanged. This might sound like the boring and unromantic stuff but I promise you if you avoid this research step, you’ll set yourself up for heartache ahead. (Have you seen the divorce rates lately?)

If you fail to do your research, you’ll likely end up in an insufferable relationship.

Do your research ladies and avoid a man-induced depression. Know who you’re interested in. Know who you’re letting into your life as your significant other. Know whose words, behaviors, and actions you’ll be surrounded by daily. Resolve to make your choice about your partner based on your faith in God and His will. Don’t get caught up in the butterflies. They’re a great part of a relationship but if you only focus on them, you’ll miss out on discovering the true character of the person. And you know what that could mean two years down the line: you, your bed, your old Pj's, a bucket of ice cream, tears, and a very low will to live.


p.s. If you enjoyed this post and want more like it, make sure to share it with your friends and let me know in the comments section below lovelies. If you don't agree and have another opinion to share, drop a comment as well; I'd love to know what you're thinking:) If you prefer social media, you can also stay in touch with me via Twitter or Google+ - I can't wait to hear from you!

Disclaimer: This is not a male-bashing post. Just like men have faults, so do women. As ladies, we must make sure we're not the depressing factor in the relationship. This post is for any of you ladies that find yourself, or have found yourself in the past, in a toxic and depressing relationship with no idea how to avoid making the same mistakes again.

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