Thursday, May 15, 2014

5 Reasons You Won't Marry Him

We’re always talking about men and what they want.

We’re always focused on men and becoming wife material. Well, what about ladies? What about what it takes for us to consider him good husband material? Believe it or not, there are some single gals that are single by CHOICE. I know this is a hard pill to swallow considering our growing get-a-man-or-die culture. The truth: Just as there are red flags that turn a man off from certain women, there are also red flags that turn a woman off from certain men.

1.    He Has No Vision
Does he have faith in God? Does he know his God-given purpose? Does he care? Does he have visions of leading and making positive impact in this world? Does he care? Does he seek the counsel of wise mentors? Does he have a forgiving heart or is he a man who loves grudges?

I don’t believe a man can effectively lead any woman if he does not know how to be effectively led by God.

An arrogant and prideful man who believes he answers to himself will have trouble dealing with the pain and trials that come up in your relationship. An unforgiving man will have a tough time letting go of petty squabbles and will indulge many opportunities to be hurtful to you and others. How can you trust him to be a rock in your marriage if he doesn’t make it a priority to practice godly virtues and self-discipline daily? There is a good chance you want a man whose faith, humility, ability to forgive, and leadership will inspire spiritual growth in you for decades to come.

2.    He Is Vain
When it comes to vanity and looks, I don’t know if it’s the women or men who are carrying the crown anymore. I understand being fashionable. I understand looking good. Some things however are perplexing. Can someone explain the spike in half-naked selfies of ripped & oiled up men in their bathrooms? Can someone explain the spike in men suffering from anorexia and bulimia? Can someone explain the spike in men undergoing cosmetic surgery? Can someone explain the spike in men getting weekly manicures and pedicures?

I won’t call myself sexist but I will say that there is something undeniably attractive about a man with a level of “ruggedness” and a clear sense of self-acceptance.  There is a good chance you don’t feel like fighting with your future hubby in the morning about who gets more “mirror time”.

3.    He Talks Too Much
As much as gossip is commonly-associated with women, there are some men who have also turned gossiping into an art form. If he is constantly talking about and bashing his exes, the question is why? If he is constantly talking about how messed up his friends are and all the nonsense they get up to, the question is why? If he is constantly making judgments and throwing insults at people for their lifestyle choices, the question is why?  

All of this talk is useless. It is unproductive and a grand waste of time. It adds no value to your relationship or anyone else’s life. This time could be better used praying together, planning your future, enjoying the beauty of your relationship, and more. There’s a good chance you don’t want a man who considers a time-wasting activity like gossiping “fun”.

4.    He Is Not Confident
Ah, yes, confidence. When we hear the word “confidence” many of us think of the loudest guy in the room or the ladies’ man or the one wearing the finest Italian suit. There’s a bit more to confidence than noise and flash. Confidence includes standing his ground in his faith whether people support or mock him. Confidence includes the willingness to be called “crazy” or “weird” for his beliefs and his dreams. Confidence includes remembering who he is and what his true significance is (especially in those times when he feels defeated or rejected). Confidence includes knowing that his greatest strength lies in quiet humility and not obnoxious pride.

Confidence is not for the faint of heart.

If he is an evident people-pleaser, who wants everyone to know/talk about how much he has achieved or how much money he makes or how many awards he’s received, he is not the most confident bloke. There’s a good chance you don’t want to end up with a man who will spend the rest of your relationship begging others for love and acceptance.  

5.    He Has No Passion For You
Ok, I’m not the candy and flowers type of gal. I am however a big believer that romance is necessary in any successful marriage. He has to make you feel wanted and cherished. He has to constantly remind you - through words, actions, phone calls, notes – that he knows how significant you are to him and his life. He has to plan to date you in your marriage. If he is unromantic and isn't affectionate, it will be hard to feel loved and emotionally fed from your relationship. There is a good chance you don’t want a man who feels more like a roommate-with-benefits than a husband.

What are your thoughts on these? Do you disagree? Do you know any other wife-repellent attributes that should have made the list? Leave a comment below:)

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  1. True, they all true. I think every woman wants a tough man also. One who can stand when she'd rather run. One who can face all the things that'll make his partner cry and still manage to put a smile on his face and hers. I like your writings, keep it up.

    1. Thanks Damien! I think having a man that is strong and resilient is a priority for most of us gals. Of course that doesn't mean he won't have his doubting/sad moments (you guys are human too:) I believe for us it is more about knowing he has a "never give up" spirit.

  2. Word! It's important as women to recognise what we want in a man and not just take anyone that comes our way xx

    1. Exactly, Ayo. Even though it can be tempting to just run with anyone when we feel lonely or afraid that we won't find anyone better-suited for us. The key is to think of the future heartache making a hurried choice will likely bring us down the line.

  3. I think spiritual chemistry is important. You can be unequally yoked even if a person is saved. If they don't have a passion for the Lord and they are carnal, you'll be in for a rough ride even though they are born again. If they are not mature in the sense that they have a passion for God and a desire to grow, you may want to steer clear.

    1. Agreed! Simply carrying the title "believer" and "Christian" won't be enough. The person has to have an equal desire and passion to live for God and fulfill the marital mission to spread God's Good News and build a life of God-given purpose together. If you don't have that, it will be a serious problem! lol

      p.s. Happy New Year, Tracey!! :)