Thursday, March 13, 2014

The Marilyn Monroe Test

I’m pretty sure you’ve heard of Marilyn Monroe. 

If you haven’t, let me give you a quick run-down. Marilyn Monroe was an infamous Hollywood movie star mainly known for her overtly sexual imagery and sexual exploits with several men, including playwright Arthur Miller and most famously President John F. Kennedy. Now I’m sure you are wondering what that has to do with your friends. Well, quite a lot actually.

Another rumor regarding Marilyn was that women were afraid to have her near their husbands because she didn’t have a real sense of boundaries. Whether it’s your husband or boyfriend; if Marilyn wanted him, she usually got him. How scary is that? Ladies, many of you have “Marilyn-friends”. Girls that you have fun with, confide in, and consider close, that are really more interested in your man than anything else. I’ve heard of many women – young and old - that have found out about their “friends” sleeping with their boyfriends or husbands and asking, through tears, “How could she do this? She’s my best friend!” or “How could I have been so blind?” I’ve even known someone who this happened to personally. My answer: All women should put their girlfriends through "The Marilyn Monroe Test".

The Marilyn Monroe Test is a group of signs that you look for in your girlfriend as potential indicators that she wants your man. They are as follows:

1.       She is currently involved with a married man.  Or she tells you she likes/dates married men. RED FLAG. She does not see a relationship as a boundary. Open your eyes. If she can take someone else’ man without care, she can take YOURS too.

2.       She encourages you to break up with your man every time you tell her you guys are quarreling. Be careful. A true friend will try to see if there is advice she can offer to help you guys work through it rather than just encourage you to throw in the towel without trying. She might want you to break up so she can go in for the kill.

3.       She always says you’re too pretty and perfect and all guys adore you. “If only I could have your life!” she says. Be wary. All that praise should seem a little fishy. Who told you she doesn’t want to be the object of desire like she claims you are? Who told you she won’t go to extreme lengths to have it?

4.       She comes to your big events, like a birthday party or graduation party, late and dressed to kill. More than any other female, including YOU. She’ll be wearing the tightest, shortest, and most low-cut dress in the room. Don’t think her outfit is something she just threw on from her closet in a hurry. She does this because she knows your man and your other girlfriends men will be there; she has to give a good show. She will pop, lock, and drop it all night knowing the guys will be looking every second to catch a glimpse of her boobs bouncing or her dress rising up. She’ll do anything to garner the attention. The funny thing, she’ll swear she hates attention.

5.       She is always extra-touchy with your man. Most of the time she’ll say it’s because she’s naturally a “touchy person” or your man just tells the funniest jokes! Open your eyes extra in this case, especially if you know your man is not that funny.

6.       She always talks about how much of a sex goddess and freak she is when your man is around. This is not an accident. Why is she planting such visual ideas of her in his head? She knows this will likely be a huge temptation for your man, especially if you’ve told her you are more of a passive sexual partner (FYI, it is in YOUR best interest to keep such information to yourself). 

7.       Most importantly, you have suspicious feelings about her on occasion. Intuition is a great gift and I believe as women we have certain intuitive feelings about other women we surround ourselves with. Sometimes we ignore it because we enjoy partying or shopping or gisting with the other person but we should really spend some time in the beginning of the friendship analyzing the other person.

There you have it ladies. The Marilyn Monroe Test. I believe every woman should do it  - whether you are engaged/married now, or when you get engaged/married later. Now I know there are exceptions to every rule and that some people can display one or two of these behaviors and NOT have any interest in your man. If that’s the case, great. But, if you do your research and come to find out that your friend is exhibiting next to all of these signs, I’d say you need to be a lot little more cautious than normal.

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  1. I have girl friends who are touchy, talk frankly, and dress in ways that compliment their figures, but I have enough trust in my man to not worry about them.
    If you're that worried about your girl friends you might just want to take a minute to look around your own house and see if your feelings of distrust towards your guy aren't misdirected at Girly McBoobsOut

    1. Thank you for commenting Jersey! I agree that sometimes a woman's anxieties are more due to the distrusting ways of the man she's with rather than "Girly McBoobsOut"/: However, this post for me is more about 'temptation' than trust. I have an analogy.

      It's like a woman who has decided to eat cleaner and stay away from refined sugars - I'll call her Katie. Katie's made a firm commitment to cut refined sugars out of her life and she's told her roommate about it, who says she's 100% supportive. Katie's been doing pretty well. She keeps her fridge stocked with fruits and vegetables, and rarely even thinks about sugar. One day Katie returns home to find that her roommate has baked a German chocolate cake. She sees the freshly baked cake on the table and it looks scrumptious. It smells wonderful too. But she's committed to her healthy eating plan so she walks past it into her room and shuts the door.

      Then she comes back from the gym the next day, hungry, and opens the fridge to find something to eat. The first thing she sees is 3/4 of the leftover chocolate cake. It's tempting, but she fights the urge and picks up some carrot sticks instead.

      Then the next day she comes home from work, stressed out from a hectic day at the office, and opens the fridge to see 1/2 of the chocolate cake left. She's upset and would love to just have a bite of this chocolate cake; it would definitely make her feel better. She looks at it for a few minutes and then shakes her head and grabs an apple instead.

      Then the next day comes. This has been a hellish one. Not only was work dreadful, but she also had a fight with one of her best friends, and to top it all of, the scale says she's gained 2 pounds even though she's been eating clean and working out like a mad woman! The she opens the fridge and what does she see? The last 1/4 of the German Chocolate cake. Damn. She knows she shouldn't have it. She knows she wants to stay away from refined sugars. She knows she wants to maintain cleaner eating habits. She knows she should say 'no'. But damn, it's been a rough day and her roommate should never have made it in the first place! The cake looks even better now than it did yesterday! This is ridiculous. She didn't make it. She didn't ask for it, but here it is in front of her face - attractive and openly accessible. Forget it. Katie reaches for the container, opens it, and eats the last 1/4 of the chocolate cake.

      My point? Ladies have to be careful not to be the ones "dangling chocolate cake" in front of their mates.

      I definitely believe we are all responsible for our choices; I also believe there is such a thing as making a wrong choice EASIER for someone to make - even when they might have good intentions originally. In my opinion, one way to actively protect your relationship is to be careful of the company you keep.