Monday, March 10, 2014

I Love My Bestie!

There’s all this mystery around friendship. What makes a good friend? How many friends should I have? How long do I have to know someone before I can consider them my friend? For centuries people have proven that although we might have figured out how to send a man to the moon, we’re not quite sure on the real deal with friendship. I'll share my take on the matter. In this generation, we have what is called the “bestie” fad. “I love my bestie!” “It’s me and my bestie for life!” “Let’s be besties!” 

How many people have you called your bestie? How many people have called you theirs? How many of those people would you call at 3am in the morning with a flat tire to come and help you? How many of them are comfortable calling you at 3am in the morning with a flat tire? 


A bestie does not automatically equal a friend. Do not be confused by the title. Do not assume everyone who calls you a bestie actually considers you a friend. You need to know the difference and then truly understand how many friends you have in your life and how many "besties" you’ve got. 

The qualities that make up besties:
*We party together. 

*We have the same fashion sense. 

*We like the same boys.

*We find the same dirty jokes funny. 

*We gossip about people together. (A lot.)

That’s cute and all, but what about the interesting stuff? What about when you are sad and depressed? What about when you are struggling with infertility issues? What about when your mother has just been diagnosed with breast cancer? What about when your father has just died? What about when you want to talk and learn about God? What about when you need assistance in pursuing your God-given purpose and building up your business? That’s where friendship comes in.

The qualities that make up friends:
*We laugh together. (No, not mean-spirited laughter targeted at others.)

*We cry together.

*We uplift and encourage each other to pursue and grow in our God-given purpose.

*We do not throw pity-parties for each other. (Yes, your pain is valid and I will always acknowledge it.  No, I will not allow you to throw in the towel on YOUR chance at a great life by encouraging you to wear the victim hat until you die.)

*We learn and study about God together. 

*We tell each other the TRUTH and not just what we want to hear – even when it means we will get angry and distance ourselves for a period of time.

*We CORRECT (not criticize) each other when we make poor choices that hurt ourselves and others.

*We forgive each other…A LOT. (We are human beings. Having the title of “friend” doesn’t change the fact that we will make mistakes.)

*We go out to social engagements and enjoy ourselves together.

*We go out to great restaurants and eat delicious food together. (Yes, I added this one specifically with ME in mind/:)

A friend is someone who has the audacity to be vulnerable with you and who has the audacity to expect that same vulnerability back. A bestie is a hangout buddy who calls you for next weekend’s get-together. We can become besties almost immediately. We can only become friends over TIME, with SHARED BELIEFS, and through SHARED EXPERIENCES of trial and pain.  Most people don’t realize that friendship is HARD WORK. I’ve said before that nothing worth having is easy, the same goes for friendship. No friendship comes overnight; if it does, that person is not your friend; they’re your bestie. And just because a person calls you their bestie doesn’t actually mean they’re your friend. Understand that truth, and you won’t be so confused and distraught when your bestie doesn’t act in appropriate friendship manner. 

You’ll expect it and you’ll learn to have no hard feelings about it – this might take a little while/: 

Disclaimer: I am not here to suck the "fun" out of life for you. What I am here to say is that the "fun" times are not the bulk of what constitute a friendship. I mean if I must be honest, I've drank, danced, partied and had "fun" in the past with girls that I did not like. What good did that do me or them later on? None. You need more than the "fun" times in friendship. You need foundation and a commitment to growth and most wonderfully, God.

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  1. I agree with a lot of your points on what makes up a friendship. IMO, friendship, like any relationship, is hard work and a lot of give and take. With the right person, it's so worth it though.

    1. Thank you Ola. Like you said, friendship is definitely worth it. It is one of the most beautiful relationships on the planet; when you're both committed to working on it and growing along the way. Since it takes work and significant time, we shouldn't be rash in calling everyone a "friend" just because we like the idea of having many friends.

  2. I agree that friendship needs to go deeper than 'fun'. But I don't think having a friendship that either starts out, or is always, mainly about the 'fun' stuff necessarily means that friendship can't be meaningful. I've had 'besties' who've flown half way around the world to show up for me when 'friends' didn't. And I've got 'friends' who've had my back since the day we met. I think that a lot of it is as much down to the character of the person as the nature of your relationship.

    1. Thank you for commenting Sarah/:

      I believe a friendship might start out with fun as the main goal and grow into something more meaningful. In this post, my desire is for ladies to have more focus on developing authentic and productive friendships as opposed to just having a string of "besties". I listed what I've seen as the qualities that make up lasting friendships I know of and when those things aren't involved, I believe the relationship isn't strong enough.

      I agree that the person's character is a big factor; I mentioned that 'shared beliefs' is part of what constitutes a friendship. We must both believe in the same idea of friendship to have a successful one.