Monday, April 22, 2013

Say Goodbye To "Headache Friends"

Happy Monday guys! Today I want to warn you about people I like to call "headache friends". You know who I'm talking about, you probably have one or two of them. These are friends that only have one source of energy to offer you - negative energy. It seems that they only see NEGATIVE in the world they live in. When they call you, it's to bombard you with negative news. "Girl, you won't believe what this b***h said about me!" "Bro, that chick is on some bull. I ain't got time for s**t." "How the heck am I gonna pay my bills next month with this chicken change I'm making at work? Life sucks mehn." "Can you believe who I saw that n***a with last week? I wish he would try talking to me again!" Smh. Run folks! Stop answering the calls, stop responding to the texts, stop going out with the person.

People that only see the bad side of things are as dangerous to your happiness/spiritual health as environmental toxins are to your physical health. I know what you're going to say, "What else am I supposed to do? I would be a bad friend if I don't listen." WRONG! There is nothing in the friendship handbook that says you should be the trashcan for negative garbage. It does not make you a good friend, it makes you an enabler of their negativity. Now I don't mean you will not listen to your friends or uplift them when they are in need. Of course you will. But some friends don't want to be uplifted or inspired; they want to wallow in distress because believe it or not, they enjoy it and are comfortable in it. Those are the headache friends. What you can not do is allow a supposed friend to drag you down into their pool of negativity and drain all of your positive energy.

And please don't say you're strong enough to maintain a positive disposition as well as your friendship with them because you're not. I once had a friend that I allowed to do exactly that to me. We were friends for several years and looking back on it now, those were years filled with much negativity and poor decisions. Now we went out a lot and had loads of fun experiences, but we had even more arguments and spiritual disorder. We spoke for hours each day and almost all the conversations were about her anger, frustration, and disgust with people or situations in her life. Now I was a reasonably cheerful person but the more I talked and hung out with her, the more I felt compelled to support her as a friend, and surprisingly the more I started to see things and people in my life as more irritating and unbearable than before. When I finally got tired of the negativity and realized I wasn't happy, I knew I had to end the friendship. Today I can say that I am happy, positive, and feel more connected to God than ever before.

My advice to all you lovely readers that are currently holding on to headache friends is to please let them go! If you have a friend going through a bad break and in need of love and support, BE THERE. Offer them hope, faith, and assistance in any way you can. If you have a friend who refuses all these things from you and rather you join them in co-signing how much life sucks, then bid them adieu. And don't say you're the only one they've got; there's clearly a reason why no one else chooses to befriend them! And please don't be so arrogant as to think only you can change them or solve their problems; you're not the savior. JESUS CHRIST IS. Send them his way!


  1. Another interesting write-up. I like the way you ended it because there really is a fine line between a friend who is genuinely down/in need of support and someone who wallows in their negativity for the sake of it. Headache friends a.k.a. toxic people can be hard to deal with. Sometimes the kind thing to do is to let them go.

    1. I'm so happy the distinction was clear! I believe in friendship and know that the mark of a good friend is that he/she supports you and sticks around during bad or difficult breaks in your life. My warning is for those few that creep into your life under the guise of friendship and are really more, like you said, "toxic" and uninterested in receiving or giving positive support.