Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Did I really NOT get married at 25?


Questionable title, I know. It was inspired by a blog post I just read from a girl I went to college with years ago and it is titled "Did I really get married at 23?" She talks about how she got engaged at 22, married at 23, and has never been more secure in her decision because she is happy and loves her husband. Well, good for her. I, on the other hand, have not been lucky enough to find someone that I can honestly commit the words "Til death do us part" to. This is a real concern for me and I'm guessing, for most single women in their mid 20's going into their 30's.

There is so much pressure from our families, friends, and society to get hitched in a timely fashion because apparently there is an unspoken "truth" that we have a certain window of beauty, youth, and desirability that we should take advantage of and use to find suitable husbands.

I know many ladies that are in many "marriages of convenience" even if they won't admit it to themselves. Gals that are all too happy to take the title of "Mrs" once they see a huge rock and feel the promise of financial security or emotional stability. I get it. Everyone fears ending up alone, including me. But I have an even greater fear, ending up married to a man I do not love. A man that may be good in many respects, but not a good match for me. There are certain things I hope for in a man that I would rather not compromise on.

For starters, Intellect. I have a love affair with books, from American novels like The Great Gatsby to Nigerian classics like Things Fall Apart. Words inspire me and I need a guy who feels the same way. Someone with a similar love and respect for words that I can hopefully spend lazy Sundays with discussing the running themes of existentialism and absurdity in books like The Stranger or ideas of acceptance, growth, and spirituality in books like Eat, Pray, Love. Someone who also shares a love for visual arts, plays, and ballets would be an appreciated bonus :)

Humor is another critical requirement of mine. I love clever, witty humor and I need a guy that can give a good joke as well as take it. Life can be so serious with all the family, financial, and health issues to deal with; it's imperative that we can take a breather from time to time and just laugh with each other.

Finally, I must say diversity is key. I am such a "planner." Most of my life has been spent following rules and setting limits for myself on the things I will or won't do so it would be nice to be with a guy that has an adventurous/spontaneous side that can help me overcome certain fears I have and expose me to new areas of life (like white water rafting or zip-lining).

Now it may just be me and my delusions, but I don't think these are impossible characteristics to find in one man. I do think however it's gonna take a little longer than I might like because there seems to be a scarcity of what I like to call "quality men." Of course insecurities creep in from time to time reminding me that I am getting older and the number of suitors headed my way will most likely diminish as the years pass by but I can't help believing that there's still hope for me yet. My guy is out there and I pray to find him sooner rather than later. So for now I will just continue to receive the judgments from family and peers while I attend everyone else's engagement and wedding parties as the only "single 25yr-old female guest" of the bunch.



10 comments:

  1. I totally agree with this post! Sounds do much like me talking!LOL ! Great blog too

    Www.blossom-you.blogspot.co.uk x

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  2. thanks Blossom! I'm happy to hear I'm not the only one refusing to cave under the family/friends/society pressure lol!

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  3. Ada you are simply voicing what every lady your age is thinking..but let me be the one to say "ignore them"..there is nothing good about a premature marriage, nothing exciting about a loveless marriage..and not strengthening about a weak marriage..instead...find the man you can begin to experience and get to know at 25..build a relationship founded on morality spirituality and love..dont jump in because everyone else is..i admire your ability to speak openly about such a troubling topic for young ladies

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    1. thanks Ekene! I completely agree with everything you've said...I had to write this post because I just know I can't be the only girl in her mid-20s NOT so eager to jump the broom yet

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  4. I love this article. It reminds me of one of my blog posts. Here's the link http://negrifille.blogspot.com/2013/12/a-letter-to-him.html And I'd say "take your time"....You'll end up with the right person...SOON

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    1. Thank you Nma! I agree, we must all take proper time to understand ourselves and others, and enter into an organic and spiritual partnership. I also checked out your post; your letter was insightful and funny too!:)

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  5. I'm not under pressure but i agree with this post..
    Humor is a great thing for me too!
    Nice Post *Sis* Winks
    The Beautiful Eagle's Blog

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    1. Thank you Ugomma! Humor is definitely a yes-yes for me/:

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  6. Whilst I can agree with the comments of not to feel pressured by others or even society, let's not loose sight of the fact that you want to get married. And have children(?) And I'm assuming that you want to do those things within the next five years. Most women who want to have children have heard the rumor that fertility decreases each year after 25.

    Don't be afraid to tell people that you want to find Mr. Right and don't be afraid to look. If you wanted to get a bachelors degree or go to Spain, there are certain steps you would have to take. Simply saying it, praying for it and then waiting won't make it happen. You have to apply to college or save for a plane ticket. So start looking for your guy. Start dating. Online dating, blind dating, speed dating.

    Just like a relationship and marriage is work, sometimes finding that special someone takes work. We're not all lucky enough to fall in love with the guy next door.

    http://shermsinthemiddle.blogspot.com/

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  7. Thank you for your insightful comment Sherms! In refusing societal pressures placed on us ladies, it is important to remain honest with yourself about what you want. I believe the key is to work on your personal growth as a valuable woman so you can attract a valuable man into your life when the time is right. When we rush to find a man or get married in desperation, we are likely to end up with the wrong mate.

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