Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Did I really NOT get married at 25?
Questionable title, I know. It was inspired by a blog post I just read from a girl I went to college with years ago and it is titled "Did I really get married at 23?" She talks about how she got engaged at 22, married at 23, and has never been more secure in her decision because she is happy and loves her husband. Well, good for her. I, on the other hand, have not been lucky enough to find someone that I can honestly commit the words "Til death do us part" to. This is a real concern for me and I'm guessing, for most single women in their mid 20's going into their 30's.
There is so much pressure from our families, friends, and society to get hitched in a timely fashion because apparently there is an unspoken "truth" that we have a certain window of beauty, youth, and desirability that we should take advantage of and use to find suitable husbands.
I know many ladies that are in many "marriages of convenience" even if they won't admit it to themselves. Gals that are all too happy to take the title of "Mrs" once they see a huge rock and feel the promise of financial security or emotional stability. I get it. Everyone fears ending up alone, including me. But I have an even greater fear, ending up married to a man I do not love. A man that may be good in many respects, but not a good match for me. There are certain things I hope for in a man that I would rather not compromise on.
For starters, Intellect. I have a love affair with books, from American novels like The Great Gatsby to Nigerian classics like Things Fall Apart. Words inspire me and I need a guy who feels the same way. Someone with a similar love and respect for words that I can hopefully spend lazy Sundays with discussing the running themes of existentialism and absurdity in books like The Stranger or ideas of acceptance, growth, and spirituality in books like Eat, Pray, Love. Someone who also shares a love for visual arts, plays, and ballets would be an appreciated bonus :)
Humor is another critical requirement of mine. I love clever, witty humor and I need a guy that can give a good joke as well as take it. Life can be so serious with all the family, financial, and health issues to deal with; it's imperative that we can take a breather from time to time and just laugh with each other.
Finally, I must say diversity is key. I am such a "planner." Most of my life has been spent following rules and setting limits for myself on the things I will or won't do so it would be nice to be with a guy that has an adventurous/spontaneous side that can help me overcome certain fears I have and expose me to new areas of life (like white water rafting or zip-lining).
Now it may just be me and my delusions, but I don't think these are impossible characteristics to find in one man. I do think however it's gonna take a little longer than I might like because there seems to be a scarcity of what I like to call "quality men." Of course insecurities creep in from time to time reminding me that I am getting older and the number of suitors headed my way will most likely diminish as the years pass by but I can't help believing that there's still hope for me yet. My guy is out there and I pray to find him sooner rather than later. So for now I will just continue to receive the judgments from family and peers while I attend everyone else's engagement and wedding parties as the only "single 25yr-old female guest" of the bunch.